


Hold My Hand (And Lean on Me)

by sindubu



Category: A Pink (Band), 소녀시대 | Girl's Generation | SNSD
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 15:05:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4629810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sindubu/pseuds/sindubu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She doesn’t even notice Chorong at first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold My Hand (And Lean on Me)

**Author's Note:**

> Credit for a list of Sunny's fangirling belongs entirely to [this Tumblr page,](http://dyodaisy.tumblr.com/post/127211462576/sunnys-undying-love-for-chorong-compilation) and the title is very blatantly taken from Apink's No, No, No.

Sunny would like to point out that it starts through no fault of her own.

It starts because Tiffany has a creepy radar for anything to do with her favorite color, and Sunny tells her as much. The girl shushes her and pulls her down onto the dorm’s couch anyway, going a mile a minute about this new rookie group, Apink.

Their debut stage is nothing special from any other stages she’s seen from rookie groups. Cute, innocent, schoolgirl aesthetic -- nothing original. Sunny doesn’t think she’s being hypocritical -- she’s rewatched her own debut stage and cringed enough, thank you -- just honest. It is what it is.

She doesn’t even notice Chorong at first. 

Sunny wishes that's where it stays -- fleeting acknowledgement of a hoobae group that she genuinely hopes see success, with no desire to run out and buy copies of their album herself.

It’s not, but at the moment, at least, Sunny can say she had some dignity to speak of.

It starts there, anyway. She blames Tiffany.

\---

It’s nine months later and Apink has won their first music show award.

She’s visiting a stylist unnie backstage, hair tied up and a cap pulled low over her face because she’s not in the middle of promotions. Her stylist unnie shares juicy gossip about a boy group member who had been caught with a girl by his manager, and Sunny shakes her head and laughs. Her eyes catch one of the screens playing the live broadcast, and one by one, like falling dominoes, she watches as all the members of Apink begin to cry and thank everyone from their fans to their production team with sobs caught in their throats.

It makes her smile a little bit. When groups earn their first win… it’s a special moment.

It means the music show is ending, though, which is her cue to get out of here and head back to the dorms. She hopes no one let Hyoyeon near the kitchen for dinner.

She rounds the corner and bumps into someone by the bathrooms, though -- tall and sweet faced, with cheeks rounder than hers. Sunny blinks. It’s the leader -- she doesn’t know her name -- but she’d just seen her accept an award, so she knows it’s her.

“Oh,” Chorong steps back, startled. She bows low and offers Sunny a watery smile. “I’m sorry. I’m a bit of a mess right now. You must be happy you’re not our stylist, right?” She chuckles, and it takes Sunny a moment to appreciate the sound, and another to realize what’s going on here.

She tilts her head before a slow smile spreads across her face, and Sunny digs into her back pocket to find a handkerchief to offer to Chorong, who accepts it with a confused expression. She tips her cap up to show her face better and enjoys the way Chorong looks like she might faint.

“I’m pretty happy with my current job, but I’ll let you know if that changes. Congratulations, by the way.”

\---

Apink ends up winning Best New Artist that year.

Sunny watches with her other members as they all graciously exit the stage for the MCs to continue the show and head for their table. They’re not seated close to each other or anything, but they do pass by her table, and Sunny mimes wiping a handkerchief to Chorong -- she can connect the face with the name now -- as she passes by. Because she looks a little teary again, and because at this point, she’s still a Cool Sunbae™. 

\---

She starts to begin having problems with her knee, which is equally terrifying because of how young she is and the fact she’s an idol, and idols don’t have performance-inhibiting injuries. Not SM idols in particular. Her managers tell her to just _hold on, you’re almost done for the day, you’re doing so well,_ but one morning, Sunny can barely get out of bed and walk.

So when she’s at a hospital discreetly getting as many pain medications pumped into her body as possible, she stares at the ceiling and closes her eyes and tries to let the IV work its magic. They’re performing for the military tomorrow, she needs this.

She hears Apink’s new single like this, alone in a private room hooked up to a machine with one of her managers keeping guard for wandering eyes down this ward of the hospital. The radio’s music is soft, filtering through the air like bits of dust, and there’s a sweetness to the lyrics Sunny’s never paid attention to before until now.

_Don’t be sad, no, no, no, you’re not alone, no, no, no, you’ve always been my light…_

\---

She gets caught -- more than once -- singing along to their performances at award shows after that. 

To be fair, Tiffany’s usually with her. And sometimes, it’s the other members, too. An infectious disease of some sort. Apinkitis. Contagious. Known carrier found in central Seoul to be one Hwang Miyoung. Answers to Tiffany. Can be lured with shiny and/or pink objects.

Sunny goes on a search engine once -- out of curiosity -- and finds out their fans call themselves Pink Pandas.

Well. It _sounds_ better than what she’s come up with, she’ll give them that.

She still blames Tiffany.

\---

Someone decides to give her a radio show for whatever reason, and it’s the best idea Sunny’s been a part of since eight of her members simultaneously voted Yuri couldn’t grind ma in the kitchen at five in the morning anymore. 

It takes her awhile to get into the swing of things, but she picks up relatively quicker than most, which is something people in the studio start telling her. She’s a natural, they say, which makes her feel almost giddy because she hasn’t been told she was a natural at anything other than being nauseatingly cute when she needs to be.

It’s nice, because it’s work while evidently not work at the same time, and Sunny can see herself doing this for a long time, she really can.

Once the station decides she can handle it, they start allowing guests onto the show. She tends to glance at the script and follow it only half the time, getting on tangents and teasing often, which gives a few of the production staff a near heart attack until they see that the number of listeners is steadily climbing with no plateau in sight.

Bit by bit, they give Sunny more and more freedom. In return, she provides good ratings and makes friends with the staff. They go drinking sometimes.

Nobody says anything when she plugs Apink’s songs all on her own, excitedly discussing with _herself_ their concept for the new promotion period. To give herself some credit, sometimes listeners call in and request their songs all on their own.

Still, there’s no real excuse for assuring a fan _It’s okay, I’m a fan of Apink as well. Chorong-ah!_

But nobody says anything, so Sunny figures she’s in the clear.

\---

It all goes to hell with their latest comeback.

At this point, Chorong’s become more of a distant fantasy -- they haven’t interacted often outside of exchanged bows and brief smiles at performances and award shows -- but for some reason, when SNSD’s Party promotions clash with Apink’s Remember, the world suddenly decides to put a spotlight on her embarrassing crush on a girl two years younger than her.

Which is exactly what she tells Taeyeon when they’re hanging out in their dressing room, waiting while the others get their makeup and hair done. She just raises her eyebrows at her and doesn’t see what the problem is, because it’s Taeyeon and she more or less stumbled head over ass for one of their own groupmates. Sunny could only be so lucky.

“If everyone already knows, then what’s the issue?” asks Taeyeon, baffled, “You’ve talked about the girl, mentioned her in interviews, even replied to fan on IG with her group’s lyrics. The world clearly isn’t imploding.”

Sunny scowls. “The issue,” she explains through grit teeth, willing to force some common sense into Kim Taeyeon’s head if it’s the last thing she does, “is that _everyone already knows,_ and no one takes me _seriously._ It’s like I’m a twelve year old girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing.”

“... Well,” Taeyeon starts slowly, and Sunny gives her a look that clearly says _Don’t you dare,_ “Okay, okay, fine. No one takes you seriously and you are Capital G Gay for this girl, I got it. I just think you should maybe do something about it, then?”

“Taeyeon,” sighs Sunny, “I’ve done everything but send her a ring. What else can I do?”

She pats her hand in what’s meant to be a comforting gesture.

“Ask stylist unnie if you can wear that rainbow shirt next performance.”

\---

Her fans take matters into their own hands.

“No, no, no,” she moans, covering her face with her hand as her tablet is opened to her SNS mentions.

“That’s not how the song goes,” Tiffany slides onto the couch beside her, taking the tablet into her hands and enlarging the first message there. Sunny thinks she can feel her smirk before she even sees it, and decides she doesn’t want to, anyway. She’s perfectly content finding glue somewhere and sticking her hand over her face for the rest of her life. Might solve a few of her problems that way, actually.

“What are you worrying about? I think it’s cute,” she tells Sunny as she clicks on the photo of Chorong being handed a fan with Sunny’s _face_ on it.

“Yah, that’s cute?” Sunny asks incredulously. “Fans are meant to wipe away _sweat.”_

“I mean,” Tiffany edges, and she’s been talking to Taeyeon about this, Sunny thinks bitterly, “You probably would if she asked.” She pauses, before adding a bit more brightly. “It’s _cute,_ Lee Soonkyu. You’re a fan of hers and a _fan_ of hers, now.”

Tiffany pulls her hand away from her face, and Sunny stares morosely at Chorong’s picture, smiling a wide smile with an assortment of gifts in her arms, including the fan. 

“Chorong-ah,” Sunny whines pitifully, “You must have been so burdened, right? You can’t throw it away because I’m a sunbae and you can’t use it because _I’m a sunbae._ Unnie’s so sorry.”

“Here we go,” Tiffany mutters under her breath.

She snatches the tablet away, hurriedly typing a message onto her SNS, scolding whoever had done it. Five minutes later, Tiffany starts liking inspirational quotes on IG like _Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game,_ and _The greatest failure is the failure to try._

Forget her fans. Her friends are just as bad.

\---

It’s a joke. 

She yells at the radio staff to bring Chorong on as a guest during a commercial break as a joke. They all laugh a little harder than usual when she pulls this kind of stuff, but she pays it no mind. A writer hands her the script for the short interview with a respected senior that’s meant to start as soon as they’re on air again.

Chorong introduces herself and she starts laughing, half hysterical, because this cannot be happening -- except that it is, because everyone and their mom seems to be trying to give fate a hand and nudge them together.

(She chokes on absolutely nothing and probably sounds like the ajumma she knows who happens to be really sweet but also a _total chain smoker,_ and hurriedly gulps down water to fix it.)

She uses the word _deceived_ in reference to her staff because that’s exactly what this is -- dirty, dirty, deceit -- and the devils themselves are howling silently in the corner, holding themselves up and crying tears at this point. She tries to shoot them a glare that would melt steel, but she’s distracted by the way Chorong seems to laugh at everything she says and breathes a little into the phone like she’s not sure what to do with herself.

Chorong is nervous.

(“What is this?” she exclaims at one point, slapping herself a little like the way she’s seen Jackson do when he needs to get a grip on reality. It doesn’t work, but she does stutter less.)

She can’t help herself from asking when Chorong will visit here, because it’s -- it’s really something, just hearing her laugh at the stupid things she says and pause every so often like she can’t believe she’s gotten a sunbae’s attention like this, like she’s gotten Sunny’s attention like this. Chorong is really too modest, Sunny thinks, as sweet and unassuming as she remembers from that one day backstage.

The younger girl promises they’ll come running as soon as Sunny says the word, but she interjects quickly, crushingly hopeful, and asks if maybe just Chorong will visit alone sometime.

 _I can come alone, too,_ Chorong tells her, and her stomach forgets about turning and starts doing somersaults instead. 

There’s just so much she wants to say, has wanted to say, has never gotten the chance or worked up the nerve to even breathe out loud except the confines of her bedroom, and it all sort of comes out in a rush of questions and declarations.

_Are you having a hard time lately?_

_Unnie will do it all for you._

_I like you, Chorong. I’ll see you again soon._

Sunny lingers on her goodbye, waits for the brief bit of static in her ears to tell her Chorong’s off the line, and she’s saying things -- threats, probably -- to her staff as Party plays per Chorong’s request, but her mind is half elsewhere, stuck on a girl with cinnamon dark eyes and a bashful smile.

\---

There’s no excuse this time. Sunny doesn’t even blame Tiffany, either.

There aren’t any fans, friends, or meddling staff to guide her here, to Apink’s goodbye stage. No one trips her and sends her knocking at their dressing room door, and there isn’t anyone around to tell her to what to do. 

She wishes, maybe, that there was, because she has no idea what she’s doing, truthfully, just knows that she needs to be here. She needs to see her.

Hayoung opens the door and immediately falls into a ninety degree bow, and Sunny pats the girl’s arm, chuckling under her breath. She bows her head as several pairs of eyes land on her and they’re suddenly exchanging greetings.

 _“Ohhhhhhhhhh,”_ Bomi says knowingly, as someone -- Eunji, if Sunny had to guess -- elbows her in the ribs to shut her up.

 _“Ah_ \-- I mean, oh,” Bomi amends flatly. Eunji rolls her eyes.

“We have ten minutes,” she tells Sunny pointedly, but it’s less like a _We_ only _have ten minutes, please don’t suck her face and ruin her makeup,_ and more like a, _We have_ ten minutes, _so go for it, fighting!_

It doesn’t take much after that for Chorong to be all but shoved into her arms as the dressing room door slams shut on both of them, and Sunny steps back, resting too much weight on her bad leg as she lets out an involuntary hiss of pain.

“Are you okay?” asks Chorong suddenly, leaning in with her hands hovering, as if she doesn’t know where to touch, and then as if she doesn’t know if she’s allowed to touch. “I heard about your knee problems acting up during your last promo.” Her eyes are soft in concern. “You aren’t having a comeback again so soon, are you?”

“No,” she lies easily, because their stage is literally one week away from now, and she shouldn’t even be here. She should be -- rehearsing. Or resting. She never knows which is more important anymore. Chorong looks unconvinced either way. 

“I’m the unnie,” Sunny pouts, “I should be taking care of you.”

Chorong blushes, but shakes her head. “That’s not right,” she argues back, “You need -- everyone needs someone to take care of them, sometimes.”

Sunny makes a face. “You’re younger,” she frowns, “It’s different.”

“Do you really see me as a young girl, unnie?” Chorong asks quietly, and Sunny ducks her head.

They’ve been dancing around this for years now, it’s almost a routine. Except this is breaking routine. They’re never supposed to talk about it, outside casual interviews and surprise phone calls. They’re never supposed to talk about it with each other, in private, like this.

“No,” Sunny admits. “But you knew that.”

“I had an idea.” Chorong bites her lower lip, hiding a smile, but it’s like a poorly written treasure map, and Sunny feels like she’s won all the gold in the world with that smile aimed at her.

“I’m sorry your goodbye stage is before my comeback, but you deserve a break,” Sunny begins lightly, “I really like your song, but I have to admit, I’m a fan of the classics.”

Chorong raises an eyebrow curiously, but other than that, Sunny can’t tell what she’s feeling until she opens her mouth again.

 _“When the others told me to stop, I will be the last love for you to hold onto,”_ Sunny sings softly, committing to memory everything about this moment -- the way her eyes widen in disbelief and a flash of hope, and then something that looks like determination.

“I -- ” The corners of her mouth lift in a small smile. “I’m supposed to save my voice, because otherwise I’d carry on where you left off, so instead…”

It’s not the smartest decision -- media training in the back of her mind is yelling at her that anyone can walk in on them any second now -- but it’s just the right one as Sunny closes her eyes the second Chorong’s lips touch hers. It’s brief, tender and sweet and everything she’d imagined it could be. Better, she thinks as they pull apart, Chorong’s forehead resting against hers.

Sunny leans in again and brushes a question against her mouth.

“You’ll sing for me some other time, though, won’t you?”

Chorong's lips press over hers in reply, and if there's anything better than seeing her smile, Sunny thinks it might be feeling it over her own. 

“Of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus Scene/Cut:
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> SONEs and Pink Pandas work together to send Chorong a wreath.
> 
> It’s Hyoyeon who makes the mistake of asking Sunny what she’s smiling at on her phone. “This is the gayest thing I have ever seen in my life,” Hyoyeon tells her, “And we live with those two.”
> 
> She nods toward the kitchen, where Tiffany is helping Taeyeon “unload groceries.” They've been at it for twenty minutes now. Hyoyeon scrunches her nose and shouts after them.
> 
> “No making out in common areas! It’s an established rule!” 
> 
> \--
> 
> Kay is a brat and an enabler, which means this is dedicated to her and the depressing lack of Apink fic out there. Hope you enjoyed reading!


End file.
